From Bianca (name changed) about 6-8 months after her Reiki I seminar:
since i was in the reiki seminar (in november 02) many things have changed very much to the positive, now one could discuss what all is related to the reiki. well, i often think about this, because it is quite striking that for 4 years almost nothing had changed (for the better) (especially my mood) and my life has turned around 180 degrees since the seminar, i can say that. but I don’t have to be able to explain everything and I’m just happy now that it’s like that.
since the seminar, i have been giving myself a full treatment every day whenever possible, and i also put my hands on my belly or on a spot that hurts. watching tv, on the train, talking, ….
since january i have been living at home again, after 4 years in hospital, and i am stable. i had a few minor slumps in the beginning, but since january i have never had to be hospitalized again, even for one day. at the moment i still go to the clinic one day a week for talks with my doctor and the caregivers.
I have, as my doctor told my parents, no more sick parts and this although, as I learned, many had already given up on me. I think you can say that. You still have to be a little careful, but I am stable.
three months ago we also reduced my medication to half and will maybe even slowly stop the one medication completely in a month.
what was also new is that i have been working for three months. actually, i was enrolled in a sheltered workshop at the clinic. but now i have a job in a restaurant in our village. i work as a temp in the kitchen. this work gives me great pleasure and the team is also very nice. i don’t think anyone, not even myself, would have thought six months ago that i would be able to cope so well with a job “outside” that has nothing to do with the clinic.
very likely i will start the adult baccalaureate next february, which is a big goal for me.
things are also going very well in the interpersonal sphere. because i am also more balanced, i have a very good relationship with my parents at the moment, on the whole. i have also been allowed to have the experience of a relationship for half a year. i have a girlfriend.
i believe that the condition that everything is going so well now is that my attitude towards life, especially my own life, has totally changed.
after 4 years of dealing almost exclusively with death, i.e. suicide and other destructive actions, i am now, even if this may sound a bit strange, a very positive thinking person.
i would like to write down some thoughts:
i call it great luck that i am allowed to live NOW, at this very moment, among these people, in this environment, and i want to use this time i have in a positive and meaningful way. i want to change things, which i do, just by living. everyone changes things by the fact that he/she/it lives.
i am happy that i know exactly these people i know. that i have people i love. that I can go outside whenever I want.
even though it is sometimes difficult to come to terms with feelings, it is a great happiness to be here. life here, in this world, is short, that is also why i want to enjoy it and achieve some things. I would like to be able to say at 80 what I have experienced and achieved. I don’t want to have to ask myself then what I actually lived for.
i could go on writing books like this, but i hope you have noticed what i mean by what i have written. it’s not some memorized would-be-ger text. it comes from the heart. it is my attitude towards life that i may have
precisely because for years I was concerned only with death.
so, now I have told a lot. I know what I have written is very dense. I hope you were still interested…In September 2004 Bianca writes again:
….ja, there is some news: so I just tell a little bit again.
an enormous amount has changed since this year. i moved out of my home on january 1. i have an apartment to myself and enjoy it very much. I am comfortable here. a cozy penthouse. (have harmonized the rooms) i am completely independent. that was very fast now. 1 1/2 years ago, I was still in the clinic, then at my parents’ house. i’m happy to no longer be financially dependent either. I have disability benefits at the moment. without this money, it would hardly be possible to live my life the way i do.
i started school at the beginning of february – i’m taking the adult baccalaureate. I have already completed the first semester. it’s going great. i didn’t have any “starting problems” either, which many would have expected, since i hadn’t done anything at all in school for 5 years. in the first semester there was always school all day on saturday, now additionally on wednesday evening. I think the class is cool. and what I particularly enjoy is that I am simply one of them. the classmates and teachers know that i had “psychological problems” (some also know that i am still in therapy), but no one knows more. it is simply unimportant. i am not different (in the sense of “not so resilient”, or similar). school is now three years away.
i give myself a full treatment every day. that does me a lot of good. even when i’m on the road, i always put my hands on a part of my body. I often don’t even notice it. it’s just part of me, part of my life. also the harmonizing of living beings and objects, or the reiki sending – reiki is simply an important part in my life.
i still go to the clinic for talks – two or three times a week. it does me good but I have never stayed there for 1 1/2 years. since last fall, i have only taken one medication and i am doing very well.
i play the piano very intensively, if possible for about two hours a day. i need the music. it is (m)a means to express myself. if i couldn’t play on a day, there’s just something missing. warm evenings i often spend with my didgeridoo at the lake, playing, writing, watching, enjoying, …
yes, I have also started writing again. poems, or simply thoughts. i write about music, mindfulness, change, suffering, connection, …
i walk every day, usually by the lake, and then often sit down somewhere and write or just take notes. so i can really recharge my batteries. i often stand by the water and let all the beauty flow into me. i’ll just stand there and say thank you. with the water, with the ground, with the weather, with the plants, animals…. have the feeling to be completely open in these moments and let this beauty and love of the environment flow into it. and then run back completely refueled.
running has taken on an even greater meaning for me. before the summer vacations i had to go to the hospital, my legs didn’t work anymore. i could no longer walk. this went on for 10 days. i needed the wheelchair. many examinations had to be made, because the symptoms fit into a whole palette of diseases, but nowhere really. the dangerous diseases like ms, tumor, infections could fortunately be excluded. in the meantime, my running is back to normal (but I can’t do any sports). the doctors could not find anything.
music, running, writing, etc. i need these things to keep going. an insane amount is happening. also very painful, where I have to look again and again not to be swamped.
I don’t know if you have experienced this with my partner. She- she had done the reiki1 seminar last november. she was my girlfriend for half a year. she died in january.
I don’t know what to write about this. i can’t find any words that are suitable. i just hope she is doing well. with herself. in it. I wish it for her with all my heart.
now i can’t find the words to write any more. I wish you a good time from the bottom of my heart.